There are always things happening that make your work harder for you to do than it already is. Sometimes, those ‘things’ are your colleagues. Sometimes, you are that colleague.
Here are 15 things people need to stop doing at the office or any place of work.
1. Having bad breath
If your breath is really bad, and I mean really, like it has the ability to seep through gas masks or soso bad that when you try to fog a mirror, your own reflection shows you the finger, then don’t open your goddamned mouth.
Carry a bunch of mints; it might help others breathe the air around you.
2. Shaking your leg
I know that it is a subconscious tic and it helps you concentrate… however, when your restless leg is shaking the table or making a noise, you need to stop.
If you don’t, you should expect this soon.
Keep your back straight and your movements smooth. Kill em’ with that CEO swagger. #SundarPichai
3. Being overly chatty
Stop your nonsensical chatter. You might accidentally be telling your bad haircut story to a near stranger whose relative died recently.
That’s a faux pas in most people’s books, I think.
Shush it, you overgrown child.
4. Cracking inside jokes
Jokes that are not funny to anyone but the ones in on it.
The hint is in the name. Keep them inside.
What are you, a sociopath? Stop creeping people out with your penetrating gaze.
You should either to gouge your eyes out or use your peripheral vision.
6. Hand drumming/tapping on the table
People may not appreciate your artistic side when it’s presented to them without a warning. The ones who share your desk with you may be hoping you accidentally sit on a drumstick.
Wait for your salary. Buy a drum set. Then quit your day job.
7. Opening your tiffin box
Indian sabzis are great to eat but not always to smell. Especially when they’ve been putrefying for hours in a plastic or steel box. Then there’s also achar.
If there’s a cafeteria or something, have your lunch there. If not, stay hungry.
8. Yelling into your phone
Dude, we can all hear you. We know that the plumber will be at your house at 3 pm tomorrow, that you’re going to Hauz Khas later in the evening and that you don’t want a loan from ICICI. We have all this useless information now, but why?
Take your calls outside. No one wants to hear you vent out your frustration on the Vodafone guy.
9. Not flushing
Do you think people are gonna look at that shit and be proud?
Look for an office with a working toilet.
10. Digging your nose, ear and or any crevice
Then nonchalantly playing with the treasure. Some even take it a step further and deposit it underneath the table, or worse; they flick it.
A pissed off wise man once said, “Never be so comfortable with yourself that you make others around you uncomfortable. I’m fucking pissed off”.
But if you must pick, at least pick a decent moment.
11. Making unnecessary sounds
Noises, basically, of any kind. Stop going back and forth on that creaky chair. Stop whistling or tsk-ing. Stop breathing or chewing your food with your mouth open.
If you’ve been warned for all of the above, then practice miming.
12. Being a douche in general
I mean that one guy who finds excitement in WhatsApp humour. The kind of dude who laughs for no reason at his own jokes that no one understands.
Laughter is contagious but yours, is like herpes; no one wants to come along.
13. Reprehensible ringtones
Whether it is Honey Singh or heavy metal, no one wants to hear your choice of music in the midst of a stressful deadline.
Silent mode. Buy a phone with it. Go ahead and buy some headphones as well.
14. Being a keyboard or mouse killer
I call them button bludgeoners and click pricks. You know these people. They work like they’re at war.
Stop trying to replicate that old typewriter sound. Move on.
Does your mom sit you down every evening so she can remove lice from your eyebrows? Were you taught your table manners by having feces flung at you every time you had dinner?
You’re out in the real world right now, there are human beings around you. Have mercy.
You need to either change your diet or work from home. And you need to go to this link.
I wish you all a good day at work today.