Facebook, or that place that should technically be your second home. The first being your smartphone.
There was a time when Facebook was an awesome place, where people had actual discussions on statuses and shared their photographs because they knew people really cared. They shared their thoughts about the latest movie they watched, instead of putting up a status that announces that they just “checked into Adlabs”.
Then, somehow, like everything we do routinely, Facebook dehumanized. We do not discuss in groups anymore. We do that on Reddit.
We do not really share photos anymore, we do that on Instagram.
Facebook has become the place where we flaunt rather than share, where we “like” rather than appreciate.
But in this dynamic change, Facebook has turned out to be a different tool for a lot of other useful things too.
1. Stalking people stealthily
Stalk, stalk, stalk your crush,
gently down the bitstream,
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
FB is a stalker’s wet dream
This is the reason no one ever left-clicks on the graph search bar of their FB homepage when someone is around. There is a lot of dirty stalking in there that even incognito surfing doesn’t help.
The day your bae shares your facebook search history with you is the day you marry him/her.
2. Playing Candy Crush and sending annoying requests
Those annoying candy crush and criminal case requests are not sent by ghosts. There are people who play them the whole day. It is ridiculous because you could be playing a better game on your machine/laptop with much better graphics, but people still continue to play on Facebook for some reason.
But Texas Holdem Poker with your friends was awesome, and so was Angry Birds. Yeah, those were the good times.
3. Bragging about random shizz
“Ran 20 kilometers” *attached Google Maps route*
“What a nice workout session! 3 hours at the gym!”
You are just making people hate you more.
4. Getting into groups and forums and forgetting about them
From your caste to your neighbor’s dog’s fan club, there is a group for everything and everybody. And most of them have been lying dead for years and years now.
They are the internet equivalent of ghost towns. And watch out for creepy guys who lurk in there claiming to be “lonely” and “looking for company”.
5. Video calling, because Skype is too mainstream
For people who think skype is too complicated, there’s always FB video calling.
6. Remembering birthdays, because you don’t really care much to remember it anyway
This is the primary reason people log into FB every morning – to see if any of their friends has his/her birthday today.
If this feature was not there – every person would have his feeling of being left out on their own birthdays. Thank god for FB and it’s wall and so many “heartfelt” birthday wishes.
7. Watching videos
FB has become a heaven for lazy people now. You just have to scroll down – and the video plays by itself. You do not even have to hover the mouse over the play button and click it – you just scroll and it plays.
8. Getting your daily dose of news
“Dude! Did you see what happened in Paris?!”
“Dude! Did you see what Salman said to his driver?”
“Dude! What rock are you living under?!”
Newspapers are a thing of the past now. Everyone gets their news online through trends. And for a newspaper lover like me, it means I am horribly outdated – by one day.
9. Ranting about a random topic
Starter kit for a person who aspires to rant well. Also, there is this huge misconception where people think that what they are saying is actually making a difference.
It’s Facebook people! Did you read the above points? People are too busy stalking to give two shits about your personal opinion voiced from a personal account.
10. Making people jealous by posting awesome pics
A research conducted showed that 52% of the people who posted pictures of themselves on facebook, did it to make other people jealous.
Facebook isn’t what it used to be, but it has evolved into a platform where you can execute a multitude of tasks. If you observe carefully, it is no longer a place where you just keep in touch with people. It is expanding its reach into all facets of our lives.
Is the time not far away when Facebook will take over our entire life?