Dear future husband,
As I write this to you, I am blushing and grinning at the prospect of us spending the rest of our lives with each other. We’re about to take the plunge and go for the big M soon, but before we do, here are a few things I’d like to say to you. Before we get into the easier conversations about venues, catering, and attire, here is the slightly more difficult conversation I want to have with you. Here are a few things I’d like you to keep in mind before our big day.
It is called life partner for a reason. We may complement each other in some aspects, but are equal in every right.
We shall both be equal human beings, parents, and partners in crime. Marriage is not what the media and society stereotypically describe. We are in this together. We will take important decisions together and share as many responsibilities as we can. So remember that you are my equal. I am not superior to you and neither are you to me.
You mean the world to me, but my world does not revolve around you.
I love you with all my heart and trust you with my life. But I want you to understand that our lives go beyond each other. We have our own families, friends, careers, and so on. I hope you respect that sometimes you will not be my priority and accept that it is for good reason.
I enjoy sex just as much as you do. But when I don’t want it, I want you to respect my space, as I would respect yours.
Marriage isn’t a licence to sex, and it does not entail one’s physical ownership over another. I have full ownership of my body, and you, at no time, should think otherwise. Sex is between two people who enjoy it equally. We will and must have a lot of it in our lifetime. But if I feel uncomfortable at any point, you need to respect my space and stop, as would I if you show any sign of hesitation. The rules of consent apply to everyone. Married or not.
It’s okay to forget special dates and anniversaries sometimes. I won’t judge you for it. So don’t judge me either.
Forgetting is human and it’s totally okay if you do. Dates don’t matter as much as thoughts and emotions do, and a day or two here and there hardly makes a difference. There are more important things for us to worry and fight about. Let’s focus on those and not waste our time on trivial matters, and celebrate special days on any day we like, in any way we want.
My family is as important to you, as yours is to me.
I will love your family and accept them with open arms, and I expect nothing less from you. Your family is now a huge part of my life, and I will care for them the way you would. All I ask of you is to feel the same sense of responsibility and belonging towards my family.
Never hesitate to share your problems, bad experiences, memories, or sad news with me. No matter how big or small it may be, we will try and solve it together.
Remember that I am always there for you in happiness and grief. No matter how big or small the problem, know that I will be there to support you and help you through it in whatever way I can. It is human to occasionally feel vulnerable and you can always trust me to be a shoulder to cry on, or a pair of arms to hug you whenever you need.
We live in the same house. Chores are to be divided equally among us.
Our genders don’t define our roles in the house. Both of us live here and share the same space. It is only fair that our contribution towards the house is equally divided. Both of us will have as much say in matters related to cooking, cleaning, decorating, hosting, and so on.
Apologies work both ways. If I ever falter, tell me how I’m wrong.
Sometimes, one thing leads to another, and before we know it, the situation gets out of hand. And more often than not, both partners are at fault in a fight. You need to know that you have every right to correct me when I’m wrong, as will I when I sense a problem.
Women are gross too. I poop, fart, burp, drool, and so on. The earlier you accept that, the better.
I know I will have reached a certain level of comfort with you by the time we tie the knot. I want you to accept me as I am and understand that you don’t have to always be perfectly turned out for me either.
We must always keep the humour alive. The jokes need to keep coming. If not about anything, at least about each other.
We are together for the simple reason that when we’re with one another, we need nothing else to keep us entertained. We can be our crazy, goofy selves with each other and not care about the world, and I want it to be this way forever. We’re both going to be old, fat, and ugly someday. But I assure you that I will still love you no matter what and joke about the way you look all the time to prove it.
You are free to express yourself, be sad, cry, or be romantic. But you will not be violent with me under any circumstances.
I have been raised a strong, independent individual and I will, at no point, tolerate physical abuse of any kind, and neither will my family if it were to ever happen. Know that if it ever gets out of hand, I will not hesitate to let the law intervene.
If, someday, you fall out of love with me or are rethinking our relationship, be honest with me.
Staying in an uncomfortable relationship for your partner, kids, or anyone else is never worth it. Two happy adults are better that one unhappy couple. Yes, it is easier said than done, but a little honesty will save us both a lot of heartache in the future.
Society may have given us a label, but first and foremost, you are my best friend.
Yes, you mean the world to me. And there’s no one else I can imagine spending the rest of my life with. I am looking forward to us growing old together and collecting all the happy memories on the way there. When I’m with you, my happiness knows no bounds and I hope our love, friendship, and togetherness stays this way forever.
Your future wife