“We’re going to be like two friends living together.” This is a common sentiment voiced by couples heading towards the altar. “We will always be happy because we have each other” is another one. Both are equally wrong. If you have decided to take the matrimonial plunge, know this. You have probably been fed a whole lot of crap by married and unmarried couples about the heavenly qualities of marriage. Marriage is not candyland. It’s very hard and completely different from your relationship earlier. You’re not going back to the comfort of your own room and your own bed after a date. You won’t be able to dictate when you want to see them and when you just want to be dancing naked, alone in the house. Marriage is essentially the commitment to share your life with another person, for around 50 years or so, till you die.
So, if you believe in these marriage myths, don’t do it.
Married couple = Celebrities in friend circle.
It’s okay to expect special treatment during your wedding but to expect it for the rest of your lives just because you got married first is a more than a little stupid. You won’t be celebrities in your friend circle only by virtue of signing that dreaded document before they did. A month or so after the wedding, you’re back to being the same people.
All nights will be spent partying now, because no more curfews.
That is true for those who were living with their parents before the wedding. It’s an absolute pain to be bound by unreasonable time limits while your friends continue the party. You may think marriage gives you the licence to squander away all your time in parties but that is far, far, far away from the truth. Marriage means saving more money, working harder to strengthen your finances, and feeling too damn tired at the end of the day to do anything more than eat leftovers and watch TV in your pajamas.
Having sex every day will be amazing.
Nope. You’re not going to have sex every day. As mentioned above, on most days, the exhaustion of existing will kill you. On the days that you feel a little less tired, there will be something interesting on TV that you must watch or there will be a book that you must read. You probably won’t even feel like having sex more than three or four times a week. And orgasms? Darling, let’s get a grip here. On days when you do have sex, falling asleep halfway through will be a major possibility. Orgasms will happen when you’re having a particularly great day for sexual pleasure but don’t expect them to happen all the time just because the sex is more frequent.
After two years of marriage, babies should happen.
The right time to have babies is never the same for everyone. So if some vaguely related sister of yours had a baby two years after she got married, it doesn’t mean that’s the right thing for you too. Maybe five years is the right time gap for you, maybe it’s ten. It shouldn’t matter. The only thing that matters is having a baby if and when you’re ready to be a parent. The didi can take a hike.
My in-laws will treat me like their own child.
They have their own child. They’re not getting that child married to get another child. That would be really twisted. They may be very nice to you and may treat you like a member of the family eventually but they will not treat you like their own child, which is just as well. Do you really want strangers as parents?
Setting up the new house will be so much fun.
It will be fun when you’re putting up pictures and decorating the living room but that’s about it. Getting electrical work done, fixing the plumbing, haggling with the landlord, and tackling the many, many more teething problems of a new house are hardly romantic and fun.
Grocery shopping will never be boring again.
Buying eggs, bread and milk is just as boring after marriage as it is before the nuptials. Why should it be any different? You won’t bother your partner to come with you to stock up the fridge with essentials. It’s a one person job anyway. And that’s what most of your grocery trips will entail anyway – the boring, everyday stuff, not the exotic meats and colourful vegetables, which you will probably buy once in two months because they’re so damn expensive.
Our fights will be short and sweet.
Oh honey, the fights will be long, miserable and extremely hurtful, especially in the first year of marriage when living with someone at such close quarters will probably be new for both of you. So be prepared for absolutely zero consolation while you sulk. Your partner will be just as angry as you.
As I said, marriage is really hard. So if you still want to take the plunge, hats off to you. If you don’t, I can’t blame you.